Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Judgement Day

My in-laws were in town for a week and we all had a great time. It seems that my in-law trips come in two varieties - tourist and handyman. Either the in-laws are making drapes and assembling furniture or we are taking day trips to the beach. Considering we just bought a house, you can only guess what kind of trip this was.

With the massive amount of help we were getting from my in-laws, I feel embarrassed to admit a twinge of judgment and a bit of envy I have for my father-in-law who is also diabetic. He's been living with his diagnosis for three years longer than I have and his A1C is a healthy 7, great for someone in his sixties. Therefore, he does stuff like drink milk and eat desserts and eat more than a cup of rice in one sitting. It was slightly puzzling some of the choices, having a huge bowl of cereal with milk and then sweetening his ice tea with Splenda. I kept on wondering both internally and externally, can he do that?

Looking back on the week I realize it wasn't just curiosity that was promting the wondering, it was envy. How come HE gets to eat dessert when I am working out much more than he does? How does he get to drink milk? It's insidious, isn't it? Part of coming to terms with what is happening in your own body is knowing you don't have any control over anyone else's.

My father-in-law is over thirty years older than I am. His goals will be different. He's got allergies where he can't eat shrimp and tomatoes. I voluntarily don't eat dessert with sugar. Different limitations. I work out like a mofo and eat things like pork belly and pate. He eats cookies.

Here's my clarion call to myself as I go along this journey. It's not about virtue. Taking care of yourself is not about feeling higher and mightier. It's about eating delicious things like a vine ripened tomato with brie and basil. It's about running up these stairs knowing you ran up twice that length during Bay to Breakers. It's about feeling good.

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