I'm Back

Kinda. I'm home in DC for this week, then back out to my family next week.

In terms of all the lifestyle stuff... I've actually been pretty good, and I'm proud that I've kept up my commitment in the midst of this ordeal. I know my Dad has been so proud of what I've been doing, and excited to help me along, so I'm fully invested in continuing this journey both for myself and for my Dad. He would want me to keep going, to keep achieving new goals and making myself healthier. It seems more important now than ever.

We've been eating so erratically, though. I totally understand now why people send fruit baskets and casseroles after a death in the family, because it's just too hard for the family to think about cooking or making any decisions about sometime as simple as what to eat for dinner. Having apples and pears and cheese and crackers and fancy spreads and candies got us through several meals where we couldn't think otherwise. And for the first several days, none of us barely ate at all. My appetite has come back a bit, but nothing like normal. I've lost about another 2 pounds, but it was even more 2 days ago before I started forcing myself to really eat 3 meals a day.

I didn't take my food journal with me, but I'm starting that up again today and will get back on track. I'm heading to the grocery store soon to try and get the fixin's for some good balanced meals.

I have to share with you all that I've thought about this blog a lot in the last few weeks, and not in an especially happy way. Because it hasn't been lost on me about how the universe gave me a giant punch in the face... that less than a week after I'd posted about feeling strong and happy and finally content about where I am in my life, I got dealt the worst blow of my life. Is it better that it happened while I'm feeling strong rather than when I've been in a bad place? Probably. But it's really hard not to feel like there was some degree of hubris there, and I'm just not over that yet.

But we're all picking up the pieces and trying to figure out a way to move on. My mom, my brother and I are all taking good care of each other, and we'll continue to need objective friends to help, too.